I woke up this morning with a bright light blinding my eyes. I no longer saw me or you, but what I saw, was blinding truth staring me in the face as if I was blinded by a bottle of mace.
I began to drown in my own tears of what is to be of this Glorious light right before me . I started loving myself because I was loving Him. I entered the light without a word or even a fight. I started loving myself, and it felt right, but out of the blue.
The light spoke, and said “I have loved you, before you knew what love could do.” The tears fell uncontrollably, like a baby in pain. Is it you Jesus, or Am I going insane. “Your heart must believe what it sees, I’m the Holy One, not some disguised enemy, release your hurt and fears to me, I will give you the desires of your heart and supply all your needs.
The tears uplifted me off my feet and began to carry me. I was floating like a boat on the waves.
I began to released all what was unhealthy, and unclean for me. Like the dirty dishes of false friends taunting, and stabbing me. I released people and situations that held me back, for too much of anything unhealthy can cause a heart attack. Or worse, my faith to lack!
The light was gone, and I realize I never woke up, but I was asleep. It was real sisters and brothers, not imaginary like one would believe. How in awe I am to have His presence consume me.
Jesus repairs all broken-ness and fills all loneliness.
I thought loving myself was some sort of sin. But it’s called loving myself from beginning to end. I know God’s love always starts from within. When I accepted that loving myself was okay, I realized that being who God wants me to be required being empty of me, and more filled with Him.
So I no longer live in my past hurts, nor do I worry of tomorrow. What a waste of time to plan when I may not be here. Wasting our time on what may not be. I’m only entitled to this moment right here in front of me. Thinking too much or relying on self can make me feel nauseous and numb. I now rely only on the only, Begotten Son, I always have, but it’s not enough.
I realize waiting on people to love you as you love them, doesn’t always turn out that way. You are entitled to be loved, and receive love as a Christian. When you pour out to others but they don’t pour back in. It deplete you. So when you replenish before God than those same people drain your energy. So basically they don’t have to go before God because they use what replenishment God gives you.
Have you ever been in a great mood and full of energy, but when that person called, text, or visited and unloaded on you with their baggage from months. You felt depleted, drained and even unhappy? It happens! If others won’t reciprocate love, than love them by removing yourself and placing God before them through prayer.
God loves back, shouldn’t a Christian? When people play mind games, or robs you of what you entitled to, God wouldn’t ask you to stay. He knows what being betrayed feels like. God wouldn’t delete you either. Man will love you today and be bitter tomorrow. Show love because you stand for Christ. He will handle your enemies.
We are not here to fix people just love them. God is the fixer, not us. We are merely lovers of Christ, or lovers of Self. There’s a difference with loving yourself and being in self.
I know Jesus loves me and He is with me. What a beautiful sight before me. be blessed, I Am!